So, I don't usually do this.

But it's almost midnight on a Monday and everyone I know is asleep. And damn it all, I just need to vent.

I currently find myself going through one hell of a panic attack. About money. And my future. And my job. And men. Of course, the men.

But mostly about money. You see, I drive a 2002 Saturn Vue. I bought it when I was 20. I loved it. It was good to me. It took me places. It was admired by all. But now, she is a ticking time bomb. The check engine light stays on permanently. I have found myself stranded on the side of the road on more than one occasion. The horn doesn't work. The AC doesn't work. The blinker picks and chooses when it wants to work. All in all, I'm in a lemon.

The time has come to be a big girl and purchase a new car. It simply must be done. There's absolutely no way around it. Especially considering that The Mechanic Ex just inexplicably told me he never wants to talk to me again (oh, the men) and that was my hook-up on free labor for The Vue. A new car must be procured.

But in recent years, with student loans and credit cards and a lack of a solid foundation for responsible financial practices, I find my credit to be in the "not good" range. Of course. So securing a loan with a decent interest rate is highly unlikely. I'm pretty much going to get raped on that one. Which would be fine, if I had a decent, well-paying job thanks to that fancy, expensive degree I'm killing myself to pay for...

But, I don't. Of course. Working at the bank plus part time as a nanny? I'm over it. Over it doesn't even begin to describe it. I am desperately seeking a job that pays me like I have a college degree. The average income in this country is $42,000. Is $42,000 that much to ask for? I don't think it is! This $11.56/hour thing just isn't cutting it anymore. I cannot exist on that. Especially when Vues are dying and my future home-buying potential is being threatened.

Sigh. I feel like I'm suffocating right now. I know that something will work out in the end, but I would love if something would work out in the beginning.