I so want to love this time of year

I really, really love holidays.  I love family get-togethers.  I love holiday desserts.  I love Christmas trees and stockings and presents and wrapping paper.  I love (most) Christmas carols.  I love reindeer and elves and snowmen.  I love hot chocolate and candy canes.

But I hate Christmas.

Without fail, I spend weeks leading up to the holiday wondering where it will be spent.  Who will take pity on me and invite me to spend it with them?  Will anybody buy me a gift?

You see, when I was a kid, we had Christmas.  But when I was 14, my parents divorced.  My mom and brother and sister all somehow became Jehovah's Witnesses.  JWs do not celebrate Christmas.  But I am not a JW and I do celebrate Christmas.  At least I try.  When everyone else I know is planning their migrations home, I'm trying to figure out if any of my extended family is bothering to get together this year.  When everyone else gives their parents their wish lists, I can only dream of the things I would ask for.  I haven't received a notable gift in 11 years.  I'm lucky if I make it out of December with more than a picture frame or bottle of shower gel from a well-meaning cousin. 

The traditions I grew up with and loved are long gone.  The only tradition I have now for Christmas is crying. 

Gluten-free discoveries

Here are a few things I have learned about in the past few days.

1.) Christmas time sucks being gluten-free.  Working at the bank, with many regular customers, we get all sorts of free stuff.  And people start to bring more of it during the holidays.  During the last three days, customers have baked us cookies, brownies, and candy.  And Starbucks brought us all brownies.  I couldn't eat any of it.  The only free gift I could participate in were the potholders one customer brought us.  Yep, potholders.  Merry Christmas, indeed.

2.) On a more optimistic note, gluten-free food can be delicious.  Last night I made fish tacos at home.  If you've ever been lucky enough to have a fish taco from Berryhill, you know how insanely good they are.  I don't eat them at many other places.  The traditional Berryhill version has crunchy, tempura-fried whitefish, thinly sliced red cabbage, cilantro and this amazing pink chipotle sauce, all served in double corn tortillas.  I could drink the sauce by itself.  It is that good.  Not being able to eat the tempura (sad), I made my own version at home last night.  I coated fresh tilapia filets in a mixture of gluten-free all-purpose flour and cornmeal, and seasoned with kosher salt and fresh ground pepper.  I pan-fried the filets in a little canola oil.  I served them in warm corn tortillas with mixed greens, diced avocado and HEB's Raspberry Chipotle Ranch Dip.  They are not anything like the originals from Berryhill, but delicious nonetheless.

3.) Chocolate is a necessity.  Remember Little Debbie's Nutty Buddy Bars?  The two chocolate-peanut butter wafer bars?  Fond childhood memory.  Not gluten-free.  But there is a brand sold in grocery stores called Schar.  They sell gluten-free pastas, cookies, breadsticks, and most importantly, Chocolate Hazelnut Bars.

They are an even better version of Little Debbie's.  They are fabulous.  And they are gone.  I need to buy more.