So, I don't usually do this.

But it's almost midnight on a Monday and everyone I know is asleep. And damn it all, I just need to vent.

I currently find myself going through one hell of a panic attack. About money. And my future. And my job. And men. Of course, the men.

But mostly about money. You see, I drive a 2002 Saturn Vue. I bought it when I was 20. I loved it. It was good to me. It took me places. It was admired by all. But now, she is a ticking time bomb. The check engine light stays on permanently. I have found myself stranded on the side of the road on more than one occasion. The horn doesn't work. The AC doesn't work. The blinker picks and chooses when it wants to work. All in all, I'm in a lemon.

The time has come to be a big girl and purchase a new car. It simply must be done. There's absolutely no way around it. Especially considering that The Mechanic Ex just inexplicably told me he never wants to talk to me again (oh, the men) and that was my hook-up on free labor for The Vue. A new car must be procured.

But in recent years, with student loans and credit cards and a lack of a solid foundation for responsible financial practices, I find my credit to be in the "not good" range. Of course. So securing a loan with a decent interest rate is highly unlikely. I'm pretty much going to get raped on that one. Which would be fine, if I had a decent, well-paying job thanks to that fancy, expensive degree I'm killing myself to pay for...

But, I don't. Of course. Working at the bank plus part time as a nanny? I'm over it. Over it doesn't even begin to describe it. I am desperately seeking a job that pays me like I have a college degree. The average income in this country is $42,000. Is $42,000 that much to ask for? I don't think it is! This $11.56/hour thing just isn't cutting it anymore. I cannot exist on that. Especially when Vues are dying and my future home-buying potential is being threatened.

Sigh. I feel like I'm suffocating right now. I know that something will work out in the end, but I would love if something would work out in the beginning.

Underwhelmed

That is my feeling after the Oscars tonight. I've been eagerly anticipating this night for a while. Oscar fashion is one of my favorite things in the world. Not tonight's fashion.

Biggest disappointments of the evening: Natalie Portman, Jennifer Lawrence, and Nicole Kidman. Natalie chose a great color, but the cut and fit was so boring. Jennifer apparently didn't get the memo that this is the Oscars and she should make an effort. And Nicole stopped wowing on the red carpet long ago.

I was indifferent to a lot of the dresses. Michelle Williams and Amy Adams both shimmered, but didn't blow me away. Melissa Leo's collar and fit were dreadful.  

That being said, there were some fashion winners tonight. In no particular order:

 
Sandra Bullock in Vera Wang Sandra looked fabulous tonight. Red is definitely a great color on her, and after the questionable bangs on Golden Globes night, the updo is refreshing.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Calvin Klein Collection I'm digging the shimmer and shine, and her hair looks its best when it's pin-straight.

Halle Berry in Marchesa If not for the unfortunate tulle mess haphazardly attached at the bottom, this would probably be my favorite for the whole evening.

Hailee Steinfeld in Marchesa This kid is adorable and she knows how to dress like she's 14. I love the tea-length and I love the headband.

Helen Mirren Speaking of knowing how to dress your age...Helen Mirren is always a knockout. She always dresses age-appropriately and looks amazing for her age.

Hilary Swank in Gucci Premiere I'm digging the shimmer, the color and the feathers. All the makings for a fabulous Oscar gown.

 Mandy Moore in Monique Lhullier I very, very, very rarely like anything that Mandy wears. So for her to make my top ten on Oscar night, she has to be wearing something good. Yes, this is good.

Marisa Tomei in vintage Charles James Couture The dress is 60 years old and it stood out among a sea of brand new couture. Bravo, Marisa. Also, the color looked a little more eggplant on tv. Not sure which way I like it better.

Mila Kunis in Elie Saab I have to admit, when I first saw it, I thought "meh". Then I saw it again, and it grew on me. Then it grew more, and more. Now, I'm digging it.

Scarlett Johansson in Dolce & Gabbana My sister said it was okay, but I loved it. My favorite of the night. I adore the color and the fit. And after her Golden Globes hair disaster, the messy bob is wonderful. A bit casual, but great.

Epic failure of a week

Seven days go by way too fast, especially when one is a procrastinator like myself.  I have these goals, and I always think, "It's only Monday. I have plenty of time to accomplish all of these goals by Sunday night."  And then things happen like watching television and going out for drinks and getting sick and seeing friends, and all of a sudden it is Sunday night and none of my goals have been accomplished. 

So yeah.  This week I got in ZERO of my 150 workout minutes. I didn't stretch at all on any of my mornings. I bought Brussels sprouts as my weekly veggie but haven't cooked them.  And I believe I ate out...five times this week instead of once.  Plus, I seriously slacked on my water and vitamin intake.  Horrible, awful week.

This week, my goal is to accomplish all of my goals.  Plan for what I know is coming.  Monday I watch TV. Perhaps some weights whilst watching Brad hand out roses?  Tuesday, I have a meeting at work and then a friend is coming over.  Have dinner already cooked or prepped?  No AM job at all this week.  Set my alarm for five minutes earlier to do some stretches and yoga poses?  Cook my Brussels sprouts on Wednesday, when I know I'll have the time and no other plans?  Not difficult.

Happy Day of Love to all of you!

{Drool}

Sometime last year, on one of their seasonal menus, Kerbey Lane had the most perfect sandwich ever created.  It was a grilled cheese to the nth degree.  It had aged white cheddar from a local producer.  It had fresh natural bacon from a local producer.  And it had sliced green pears from, yes, a local producer.  And it was all on sourdough bread that had been buttered and grilled.  It was absolute perfection.

And now, I have decided I must have one.  I had never considered eating a grilled cheese with meat and fruit on it, but since I have discovered this incredible dish, I have decided it must be mine forever.

I begin my search this weekend for the most delicious gluten-free bread I can find.  Unfortunately, gluten-free bread that is delicious is an oxymoron.  I must find something acceptable because I will just die if I cannot have this sandwich ever again.

The incredible shrinking woman?

I'm proud to report that my short term goals are going splendidly.  And by achieving my short term goals, I'm working on my intermediate goals. And those intermediate goals?  Yup, helping me out with the long term goals.  Funny how that all works, no?

All of my goals really center on my health and fitness, but in the grand scheme of things, its improving my quality of life.  I feel this overwhelming sense of empowerment since going gluten-free.  I took control of my health and have honestly never felt better.  The depression has disappeared.  I have more energy and zest for life.  So really, improving the health and fitness is just building on that feeling.  And if I can take control of my health, and I can rid myself of depression that has had it's grip on me for years, it shouldn't be a huge leap to rid myself of the extra weight I've carried around with me for my entire life.  I'm not saying it won't be difficult and a tremendous undertaking with setbacks and frustration, but it's a challenge I'm more than willing to take.

My long term goal is really just one, in terms of health and weight: I want to get to 150 lbs.  It's a healthy, manageable weight for my height of 5'7.  It will be a long, long journey from where I am now to 150, but it will be worth the time and effort.  And really, I'd be happy with 165.  That's at the very end of the "normal" range for me in terms of BMI.  But 150 is the ultimate goal.  That, and a single digit dress size.

My intermediate goals center around a few different events.  The first is on May 3rd.  I joined the Austin Junior Forum and May 3rd is the fancy, cocktail attire dinner they hold to introduce new members.  So this chick will need a cocktail dress.  Then, one month later on June 4th, my friend Breanna is getting married in Colorado.  It will be the first time I see a large number of my friends in well over a year.  Once again, will be wearing a dress.  Right now I wear an 18, sometimes a 20.  (Sigh.)  By the time I go shopping for these two events, I would like to be down to a 14.  I'd even be happy with a loose 16, but a 14 would be ideal.  You know why?  Because most stores carry up to a 14.  I'm not going to put a weight loss number on this goal, and say I must lose X amount of lbs. to get to a 14.  But I have the thought it will be at least 50.  I've had a good start with about 15 in January.  But I will have to bust my ass to get there.

Any opinions, advice or general comments are appreciated.  Do you think it's doable?  Impossible? 

Switching things up a bit

I had gotten in the habit of planning my weekly menus to start on Mondays, with grocery shopping done Sunday night.  That worked in theory, but not quite.  I typically buy food for five meals, and eat leftover or go out for the other two nights.  The way it was before, I'd cook M-F, then eat leftovers on the weekends.  Two problems with this: I have more time to cook on the weekends and cooking on Monday and Tuesday makes it hard to watch The Bachelor and Biggest Loser, respectively.

So this week, I decided to do things a little differently.  I plan to cook Wednesday through Sunday, and eat leftovers at the beginning of the week.  So far it's working out ok, except for having to go grocery shopping after work on a Wednesday night.

This week's menu:

Wednesday: Roasted Salmon with Mixed Roasted Veggies
Thursday: Salmon Croquettes with Baked Sweet Potatoes and Peas
Friday: Grilled Chicken and Roasted Beet Salad with Champagne Vinegarette
Saturday: Homemade Burrito Bowl with Grilled Chicken
Sunday: G-F Macaroni and Cheese with Salad

Happy eating everyone!

Progress

Progress is all I can really ask of myself these days.  Perfection is out of the question.  And I refuse to let myself fail.  So progress it is.  If I slip up, I make a mental note of the mistake and I move forward. 

My January goals went remarkably well.  No, they were not perfect, but in the past 31 days, I have definitely moved forward and not backward, and that's all that I ask of myself.  In review, I ate 90% of my meals at home, dosed myself with about 11 vitamins daily (with only one day that I forgot), and drank so. much. water.  Two liters every day!  And at the end of the month, I find myself 17 pounds lighter.  How's that for progress?

February's goals will build on those accomplishments.  I will continue to cook at home, allowing myself one meal out per week.  It could be dinner at a restaurant or grabbing lunch downtown, but once I've had my one weekly meal, that's it until the following week. 

I also will buy and cook one new vegetable every week.  I'm pretty adventurous when it comes to veggies, and I've tried just about all of them out there.  But I tend to stick to my safe veggies that I buy: zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, spinach.  I'm kind of in a vegetable rut.  So I need to branch out and learn to cook something new.  This week, I'm going with beets.  I plan to roast them and serve them in a salad. 

Finally, the fitness goals.  I tried to focus on making new habits and sticking to them in January and didn't pay much attention to exercise.  This month, it gets incorporated.  My goal is 150 minutes every week.  That's 2.5 hours, divided through the week however I want.  Even if I go on a 15 minute walk four days in a row, then spend an hour and a half at the gym for the fifth day.  The key is to just build the habit.  I also want to get a quick five minute stretch in every morning.

I hope everyone had a fabulous first month to this year!  Keep at it in February.